Oh, How I Hate Making a Fool of Myself…

And don’t you? I mean, likely not quite to the extent that it affects me, but nobody should like making themselves look like a total fool.

I’m not going to elaborate on any situations in which that happened, for many reasons. However, after being though all the stuff I have, most people would either break down horribly or brush it off. Now, while most of you would likely assume I’m the latter, I’m actually the former. I broke on the inside, I just don’t want to talk about it all too often.

I see myself as an idiot that people merely perceive as smart on some occasions. I cry myself to sleep over the smallest thing that may have happened as much as eight years ago. Yes, that far ago. Mainly because that’s as far as my clear memory goes, if you can even call that “clear”.

I mentally beat myself up over those things, things that most people would see as minor and would have brushed off some time ago, on a regular basis. Things as small as saying the wrong thing, failing to articulate properly, etc. Anything that makes me look like an idiot, to myself or to others. And no, none of the people closest to me notice, because I don’t tell them.

Being me is suffering.

Be sure to think before you criticize someone too harshly, be it blatant or sarcastic. It may be someone as secretly fragile as me.

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