Despite my team collapsing, I still wrote the entire story on my own. I figured I should give some insight into what exactly happens in it, aside from my vague explanations from earlier. I may as well compare the rewritten story to the original one I wrote.
I’ll give a more detailed comparison after the game is released and therefore I can talk about the game without spoiling my audience.
Oh, hello there. It’s been a while since I’ve had visitors. Welcome! Have some tea!
The original story opened with An unidentified individual entering a garden that exists outside of time, meeting Tikk Tocc, who lives there and asks this person if they want to hear about a conflict that he once witnessed. The player is given a choice of whether or not to listen to the story, but not listening gets you sent to the end credits immediately.
If you choose to watch, you hear a story about a man named Dr. Gekke Wetenschapper. This is the entire scene from the rewritten story (in which this story is kept intact, except Dr. Wetenschapper is a Suzanist in the original):
INT. WETENSCHAPPER LABS – 99 YEARS AGO
W-wait, this cannot be true. This
ALL STATEMENTS BY SUZANNE, RATHER THAN BEING SPOKEN, ARE SUPERIMPOSED OVER A BLACK SCREEN IN AN IRREGULAR FONT, FLASHING IN A RATHER ERRATIC FASHION AS THE SENTENCES APPEAR ONE LETTER AT A TIME.
Against what, Dr. Wetenschapper?
Gekke turns around in surprise and starts frantically looking around.
Who’s there? I should be the only
one in this lab right now!
I am a goddess. I am omniscient.
The perception of mere mortals
cannot hope to comprehend the gods.
Gods are unscientific! Reveal
Suzanne Owoh reveals her true form, just outside the view of the camera, as Dr. Wetenschapper stands in awe.
If you don’t want the world to be
destroyed, you will follow my
orders. But know that if you do,
you will not be called a hero. Do
FADE TO BLACK
While Dr. Wetenschapper claims he declined, someone definitely accepted, since the DNA of every species of animal, except humans (which was changed to “hephlings” in the rewrite), was altered to give them superpowers. This led to a large-scale, 100-year war, ending with equality between animals and humans. Public opinion says he accepted, so he was shunned by society henceforth. This was also kept intact in the rewrite.
The story from that point is split into 3 chapters. The first one covers Magnet losing his father to an evil group that appropriately call themselves “EVIL”, even after obtaining wings and a ridiculous-looking guitar.
The second one (twice as long as episode 1) is a story about the 20 “Plot Coupons”, which were stolen from the writer (moi) and amplify one’s power. Magnet and company have to get them before a group that calls themselves “RAEG” does.
The third one (which is twice as long as the second), however, covers the story of the “Perfect Girls” (that’s a spoiler for the end of the rewrite, so I’ll keep that mostly under wraps), and how they came into existence due to a terrorist organization known as “DOGS”, which is lead by someone who calls themselves “DOGS”. Magnet and the rest of his group (dubbed “Team Bakuhatsu” by Ruyo at that point) are called by the president to discuss them and how they need their help stopping them. However, the building is bombed during the meeting.
They’re in position.
Explosions ring out.
Charlito and Georgie, Mr. G’s two assistants, are looking at the projected screens.
Somebody set off a bomb!
We’ve got a transmission!
What!? Send the sorry fool’s signal
to my screen.
Mr. G expands his screen to a size at which everyone can see. A silhouette of DOGS appears on the screen.
How are you, gentlemen? All your
tower are belong to us! You are on
the way to destruction!
What was that!?
You have no chance to survive make
your time. Hahaha!
The signal is cut-off.
What are you waiting for? Run,
All Team Bakuhatsu members except Spark (who is not present) run. The building starts to explode several more times as they do. Mr. G and company stand their ground. Magnet then appears on Mr. G’s screen.
Are you sure you’re alright staying
Don’t worry, fool. Gs are forever!
Mr. G’s screen is turned off. The members of Team Bakuhatsu keep running until they suddenly fall unconscious.
TITLE CARD: “CHAPTER 3: THE LOVELY DISTRACTION”
When they wake up, they’re trapped on several islands with girls they’ve never met (except Magnet, who’s trapped with Spark) for a month. When they’re released, DOGS tells them that they need to go to four of the five towers scattered across the world by the end of the day to unlock a door to where he is, the top of the final tower. Magnet, however, needs to go and fill his guitar at the four poles in order to power himself up to stand a chance against him. Upon doing so, a bunch of things that are huge spoilers for even the rewritten story happen.
There were a variety of problems with this story setup. As I’ve said many times previously, I showed it to a reviewer friend of mine who goes by “No Limit”. He gave up half-way. I’ve already gone at length about his complaints, but basically the story failed as a story. He also complained about my joked that included jokes about explaining the joke before the joke even happens, and jokes about scene numbers, but I told him outright that he was outnumbered by the people who did like them. On top of that, I found more practical problems in the amount of levels each character gets, so I completely rewrote it. He only had a chance to look at the first 2/6 of the rewrite, but he found it significantly superior to this version.
We open with Tikk Tocc bringing us up to speed on the history of the world (skippable and re-watchable, obviously):
In an age long gone, on a lonely planet hidden within a distant corner of the universe, a world was brought into being by the goddess known as Suzanne Owoh. This planet was to be given the moniker “Hephaestus”.
As a result of having four poles, random explosions, fires without obvious causes, heavy fogs caused by an unusually high ozone concentration, exceedingly low temperatures, and spontaneous lightning on the mountaintops, among other issues, plagued all life that initially tried to grow there.
Eventually, however, life managed to begin a meagre existence, but needed to quickly develop the technology they required to be able to survive. Many ages passed, and one day, a scientist known as Dr. Gekke Wetenschapper had made a great discovery.
[insert scene in Wetenschapper Labs from above here]
There are no records for how this discussion went, if it even actually happened. However, what is widely believed is that Dr. Wetenschapper found the time to, by the goddess’ orders, alter the DNA of all animals in the world, humans excluded, and bestowed upon them powers, intelligence and lifespans beyond those of humans, bestowing what is likely best described as simply superpowers.
Regardless of how it came about, the results were very real. The human-like race that lived on the planet, known as Hephlings, needed to find a way to maintain their supremacy, so technology advanced further, and magic came into being. A war, later to be known as the Rights War, began, with a turtle who could see the future, known as Pete Zakame, at the helm of the animal forces.
Yet technology wasn’t enough to defeat superpowers, nor were a small amount of mages. As a result, the Hephlings made use of ninjas, samurai, pirates, zombies, robots, and eventually, hybrids. The Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot Association of Magic, NinPiZoRo for short, was born, and remains to this day. They acted as mercenaries who would revive the fallen on either side, stealing some money in exchange. This had finally evened the tides. When the war finally reached its conclusion, animals were granted the same rights as Hephlings.
However, Gekke Wetenschapper was alienated by animals and Hephlings alike for what he had done. Not a single person believed his story, and especially not that he declined. But the conversation did happen, the goddesses’ intentions were simply unclear until 99 years later.
After that, everything splits off into the stories of the five pairs and their encounters with a terrorist group known as “DOGS”, followed by one last one to tie their experiences together. I took several elements (and the entire setting) from the original and re-purposed it all for them.
While the original story had multiple points at which people can slightly influence the story (though not greatly, given the main villain’s powers) or get a bad ending, this version has no decision points at all.
Before I start explaining each of the sub-stories, do note that the titles of each one get snarked about by my author avatar on the title cards, with him expressing how each and every one of them sound stupid and make no sense at all, or are double-entendres when they do, culminating with this for the last one:
I give up. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
So I made the titles intentionally stupid and non-indicative. Keep that in mind.
Magnet’s Story: Love on Purpose
When I was young, dad was the greatest ever. Some war I was too young to understand or something, none of my business. But, one day, he just vanished, and with him went my only connection to anything. I drifted from place to place. I actually thought I’d never find a place to call home again. I mean, there was dad’s place, but it’s not a home without anyone to share it with.
That’s why the day I met Spark is dear to me.
I was her light, and she was mine.
This covers Magnet and Spark’s training for the Annual Platforming Cup (yes, the act of jumping from platform to platform is a sport in this setting – before you point out that it sounds stupid, try summarizing any other sport in existence in a short sentence).
With only a month to go, Magnet receives a tip about his father’s whereabouts, at which point he begs Spark to let him off training for a while to look for him.
Shock’s Story: Love in Motion
I’m the fastest thing you’ll ever see. If your eyes can even keep up.
I travel the world by day at lightning speed every day.
Because I’m bored.
While randomly travelling around the world, Shock runs into a female cat who claims to be named “Belle” and asks for help. All is not as it seems, however. Though, oblivious to this, Shock asks the girl, who seems to have no connection to anything or anyone, if she’d consider adopting his somewhat nomadic lifestyle.
Ruyo’s Story: Love and Peace
Ten years ago, I met the love of my life. I’m sure she feels the same way. But, almost immediately, we found out that our families, who had been feuding for centuries, wouldn’t have any of that.
But they forgot just one thing. We wouldn’t have any of it, either. So, like in the legendary story of Romeo and Juliet, we decided to ignore our families and run away together. This is our story.
Ruyo and Shi run away from home and join NinPiZoRo. Of course, Shi’s clan goes batsh!t insane over that happening and tries to ruin things, but all but a few of their operatives can do nothing but perform multiple Zerg Rush attempts. This makes them nothing but an annoyance that really pisses them off, eventually leading to Shi giving her father, the clan’s leader, a massive put-down when he finally shows himself.
But wait, a few of the things Shi said during that put-down were a bit strange… is she hiding something big?
Torn’s Story: Love as Planned
When I was a kid, I was close with a parrot friend of mine. His name was Haidrow. But, one day, an earthquake hit our town, and everyone died.
Luckily for me, though, a passer-by named Milly blocked the building I was in from killing me by drilling through it while it was collapsing on top of me.
I ended up living with her at her place, far away from where I grew up, but I never forgot my friend who died that day. Nowadays, I only do things for the good of myself, so I’ll never feel that loss again.
Torn wants to become famous by taking DOGS down, so he can get lots of money. It seems that DOGS’ attacks have increased in frequency lately, and he seems to mysteriously be exactly where a lot of the attacks have been taking place…
Haidrow’s Story: Love is Justice
As a child, OF JUSTICE, I was friends with a rat named Torn. But now everyone I knew is dead, all because of an UNJUST earthquake that happened in the town we lived in.
It was though the intervention of my future SIDEKICK OF ULTIMATE JUSTICE, Sage, who used her earthly powers to shield me, that I survived to live another JUST day.
This all clearly happened because I wasn’t enough of a HERO OF JUSTICE, so I wasn’t able to defend my town and my dear friend. From that day forward, I lived my life IN JUSTICE’S NAME!
I can already picture people screaming “Oh God no!” at the screen after reading that. Every character has a quirky personality, and that’s his.
Haidrow wishes to defeat DOGS in the name of justice. One day, his town is attacked, and he gives chase to a surprisingly fast fat guy who won’t stop swearing.
Yes, the entire story covers the chase.
True Ending: The Faked Love
After figuring out what’s going on (off-screen), all five pairs attack DOGS’ main base. An explanation is given to the players before the final boss.
And then the credits roll and we see what happens over the next few weeks in the world, and we’re left on a stinger. I’m still trying to decide which of two stingers to leave people off on, perhaps the other one could be unlocked by defeating the author avatar bonus boss that becomes available after beating the game.
Regardless of which one I pick, it ends with a “To Be Continued?”. If the villain is correct, then the story could take quite a while to safely and fully resolve, to be perfect honest. Probably three games total at minimum.
Perhaps with this information, the intended opening theme song’s lyrics will start to make a little sense. Repeating the lyrics for your convenience:
As you find a way to that great blue sky…
As you find a way straight up to the sky,
Just go straight up to the night-time!
If there is no way at the end,
C’mon, fly up to the wind!
It’s that thing that we always see!
That thing you can never hope to be!
When there’s time flowing as you fly,
When there’s hope there are dreams,
That is all that you can see,
But there’s no way that can be all!
An epic journey leads to another big end,
So there must always be a fall!
It’s that thing that you always see!
That thing you can never hope to be!
When there’s time we will never die,
Though we may find out our way, we
Have many things that we’d rather be!
We’ll find our own chance in our own lives,
Fly up to the wind…
Fly up to the wind!
In other news, I’ve been considering doing videos on my progress with coding every once in a while. It just might be better than explaining (or releasing another pre-pre-alpha) in terms of letting people see my progress and get input. Especially since I’ll be able to explain what’s what and people won’t be asking what X is. Not that it’s a bad thing for people to ask that, but at this point in development, of course no explanations have been built in.
Next thing I’ll be doing, however, is looking over the story one last time before cleaning up the code for my dialogue system and converting all text to the necessary format to go into the game itself.